Increase Your Influence

Seven Conversations Every Leader Needs to Master to Be More Influential

by Stanley Troyer ACC

Do you ever wonder if you are as influential as you could be? Many leaders are one-trick ponies when it comes to influence. They use one approach in every situation. Sometimes this works, the same way a broken clock is right twice every day. However, by developing greater flexibility and range, you can be even more effective.

By associating different parts of the body with different influence styles, you can quickly assess whether you have the full range conversations that a leader needs to use in order to influence people in almost every situation.

Left Brain. The left brain is the seat of facts, logic, analysis, information, and data. When you are an authority, or when you know facts that matter to the other person, relying on the left brain can help you convince someone that an idea makes sense. However, most leaders overuse the left brain, especially in Western society. There are limits to facts and logic. For instance, it is hard to win over someone’s heart with a PowerPoint presentation.

Right Brain. The right brain is where we process images, stories, metaphors, and pictures. It is the gateway to the subconscious. By using more stories and images, leaders can reach people at a different level than with the left brain alone.

Gut. The gut, or “hara” as the Japanese call it, is our center. It is where we go when we take a stand, negotiate, assert appropriately, create a contract, or set boundaries. When we influence from the gut, we tell someone what we like and do not like about their performance, tell them what we expect, and offer incentives to encourage them to comply.

Heart. In situations where we want authentic commitment and not just compliance, it is not enough to tell or assert. We have to be vulnerable. Here, the conversation shifts to asking for advice and help, listening to the other person’s aspirations and goals to craft a solution, and being flexible about how things get done. The leader doesn’t have to be wishy-washy, especially on the final goal, but is open to new ideas about how he or she can be better, and how to get to the goal.  

Spirit. The spirit is about our shared values and experiences. Here, we appeal to our common ground and the bonds that hold us together. Use this approach to form a team and create a feeling of alignment.  

Vision. Vision is about where we are going. Here, the leader paints a compelling, inspiring picture about where we can go together, and then invites others to jump in and build on the vision. This is the approach to use for a team that is kicking off, or when a push is required to get people to move forward despite challenges. If you combine the right brain, spirit, and vision together, you can make a compelling case that gets a team aligned in a powerful, authentic way. 

Legs. The legs are used when conversations start to go poorly, for instance when the other person gets emotional or when the meeting has begun to spiral down. This does not mean that you give up and retreat, but it does mean that you take a “time-out” and let both parties rethink their positions, and than come back together. The Harvard Negotiation Project calls this “Going to the Balcony.” It prevents a meeting from spiraling downwards.

Would you like to learn more about these approaches, and how to use them to achieve your goals and influence others almost effortlessly? Contact me anytime at 269-861-3188. 

I invite you to download my FREE influence planning tool by clicking here.

Seven Simple Questions that Every Leader Must Answer for an Engaged Team

Engaging and mobilizing your team can feel like a daunting challenge. However, we have found that a few simple behaviors can make a huge difference and improve engagement.

It is frustrating to have to read minds

For instance, many team members/employees are frustrated because they feel like they have to read their leader’s mind. They don’t know how they are doing and how they can do better. The annual performance review is sometimes their only chance to find out, and that event is so stressful and formal that the environment is not conducive for making improvements.

Spans of control contribute to the problem

This situation is not completely the fault of leadership. In some organizations, spans of control have become so large that leaders have to complete another formal performance reviews every three or four days. 

The solutions are simpler than you might think

There are many simple strategies to engage and mobilize team members/employees. They cost almost nothing to implement, can be put into place immediately, and have huge impact.

For instance, one opportunity that many leaders have – even at the C-level – is to give more frequent, informal feedback about how each team member/employee is doing. That way, everyone in an organization knows what is expected of them and how they can get better.

The seven questions

There are seven simple questions every leader must answer and communicate to team members/employees. As with advertising, frequency counts. Small, informal conversations about performance go a long way – especially when they include teachable moments about different situations and details. The questions include:

What do I expect from you?

What are you doing well?

What, if anything, can you do better?

What, if anything, do I want you to do better?

(If appropriate): What will happen if you improve (e.g., more responsibility, more time with leadership, more desirable assignments)?

(If appropriate): What will happen if you don’t improve?

How can I help?

While all of these questions are important, the last question is especially important. It shows the team member/employee that the leader cares, and is not merely abdicating responsibility or shifting blame.

For more information about engaging and mobilizing team members/employees, and to take a free self-assessment about how well you are engaging and mobilizing, click here.

Focused Leaders

How to stay focused on what really matters: From Vision to Tactics

The biggest issues that leaders face today are burnout, stress, and overwhelm. Leaders must do so much with limited resources, while keeping up with technology, managing a virtual and global team that spans multiple generations, and do it all in an incredibly volatile economy.

For all of these reasons, leaders can benefit from a tool that keeps them focused on what really matters.

The Leader’s Dashboard is a simple one-page tool that summarizes the most important things on the leader’s plate.

It includes a succinct summary of:

• The organization’s vision.
• The organization’s purpose and mission.
• Values.
• Strategic edge.
• Top 3 initiatives.
• Key performance indicators to track success.
• Relationships.
• Top strategies to build organizational capacity.

The leader can also create a personal career/professional dashboard covering the same areas, except for his or her own career. This makes it clear that the leader is aligned with the organization’s direction or not, and steps to take if there are gaps in alignment.

Perhaps most importantly, everyone in the organization can create their own dashboard. When this exercise is done properly, everyone is aligned, focused on what matters, and accountable. Each dashboard rolls up into the larger whole – using only a single sheet of paper!

The process is extraordinary because it is so simple, practical and powerful. No expensive software is needed. No teams of consultants need to swoop in. Rather, with a little bit of facilitation and coaching, each member of the organization gets clarity about what really counts. 

In today’s world of super complicated algorithms, virtual communication, and gut-wrenching volatility, it is refreshing to have a tool like the Leader’s Dashboard.

For more information about the Leader’s Dashboard, and to take our free self-assessment about how aligned and accountable your organization is, click here .

Your Soul First!

Take Care of Your Own Soul First!

Let’s imagine you are traveling in an aircraft at cruising altitude and suddenly the oxygen masks drop down from above your seat. You notice your seat mate is struggling to get his/her mask on. You remember the instructions, “In case there is a loss of cabin pressure an oxygen mask will drop down from the cabinet above. Pull the mask towards you, being sure to cover your mouth and nose. Secure your own mask first before assisting others.” You decide to help the person next to you before securing your own mask. How might this story end? (Take a moment to let your mind complete the scenario.)

The instructions to,“Secure your own mask first before assisting others” has bothered me since I first heard it. It seems to contradict Jesus’ instructions to deny ourselves. In addition it goes against the Vacation Bible School song I sung as a child entitled J.O.Y, “Jesus first, Yourself last and Others in between”.

But wait!  What about the two big questions Jesus asks us in Matthew 16:26:

1. “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?”
2. “Is anything worth more than your soul?”

So how important is your soul? Should you sacrifice your own soul to serve the needs of others? What will you have to offer others if your own soul is sick? 

Like me, have you ever been weary at the very center of your being? Have you heard others share their struggles to nurture a healthy and growing relationship with Jesus while the pressures of life squeeze the life from their soul? Might the lack of soul care be a leading cause of “burnout” in leaders? 

How would it help others if we took care of our own souls? Is Jesus telling us that soul care is like the oxygen mask in an aircraft that has lost cabin pressure? I have discovered that when flying at a cruising altitude if there is a complete loss of cabin pressure you have about twelve-seconds without your oxygen mask in place before you will slip into unconsciousness. In addition, even if there is oxygen in the air, without cabin pressure you are unable to inhale. 

In addition, a sudden loss of pressure is easily detected but if there is a gradual loss it is hard to detect. This could result in slipping into unconsciousness without being aware there was any danger. Might this be the reality that most of live with regarding the well being of our souls? We notice a sudden loss of well being in our souls (examples-death of a loved one, sudden live threatening illness); however, most often it happens very gradually and by the time it is detected, our souls are very sick.

How will you ensure that your soul is being cared for with the priority that Jesus invites us to give our souls, even under pressure? How will you answer Jesus when he asks you the two questions above? May I invite you to sit quietly with Jesus and answer his two questions?

Copyright © 2013 TroyerCoaching, All rights reserved.

God longs for you, you long for God

God longs for you, you long for God!

As the deer pants for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. Psalm 42:1-2a NLT (Emphasis added)

You might think that your woundedness or your sinfulness is the truest thing about you. You might think that your giftedness or your personality type or your job title or your identity as husband or wife, mother or father, somehow defines you. But in reality, it is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for God that is the deepest essence of who you are. Sacred Rhythms, Participants Guide by Ruth Haley Barton

The reason we do not see God is the faintness of our desire - Meister Eckhart

A number of years ago I wrote my first longings statement. It has provided clear direction for my life and ministry both in how I take care of my own soul and how I help others pay attention to their relationship with God.

On the weekend of February 1-2, 2013 I was blessed to lead a retreat/workshop for pastors, elders and spouses at Amigo Centre. The focus was the Longings of Our Hearts. We used the personal post-it-note timeline to help us see how God has shaped our longings for Him.

The group came to this event tired and rather weary from all that they have been going through recently. One of their elders died suddenly and unexpectedly over Christmas break. This tragic loss along with other challenges had taken a big toll on them individually and as a group.

Jeremiah 17:5-8 offered a helpful reminder about pain. We noticed that, “heat and drought” come to those who trust in the Lord. This means that suffering is normal for the Christian. 1 Peter 1:7 teaches us that suffering is for our good. God uses suffering to purify our faith just like gold is purified in the fire. God is more concerned about our faith than He is about our comfort. Our desire for comfort can keep us from seeking after our deepest longings for God.

During the time we took for solitude and silence the Spirit brought renewal and refreshment to their souls. They each wrote Longing Statements that helped them to refocus their lives on their desire to grow in their love for God.

Coaching Empowers!

Transforming Church
by Stanley Troyer, ACC

Many mainline churches in North America are experiencing decline. I used to think clarity of purpose, values and vision along with strategic plan for mission would bring churches out of decline and set them on a path to renewal and growth. While these changes are important and usually generate excitement and new energy in a group, they lead to what I now call "outer" change, that is change in ministry activities and programs.

Recently as a result of my ministry experience, I have come to believe deeper change is needed, a change of the heart and soul of the church. This deeper transformation is led by leaders who are engaged in the process of personal transformation. Unless leaders are experiencing the transforming presence of Christ in their lives, any attempts at leading change will result in some new "window dressings" but stop short of deep tranformation. While these changes are helpful, the church needs to become a transforming community where people are experiencing deep spiritual transformation of heart and soul.

Spiritual Transformation is allowing the presence of Christ to be formed in us for the glory of God, for the abundance of our own lives and for the sake of others. (Romans 12:1-2) This deep transformation is the work of the Holy Spirit in us as we share our lives in meaningful community with fellow persons who are on a journey of growing love with the Father through Christ.

However more than personal transformation of leaders and individual members is needed to become a transforming church, a spiritual community. Attention must also be given to the church as a organism, the living body of Christ. The soul and heart of the congregation needs attention. The congregation as a system must be transformed and renewed.

I am currently working with a church that has experienced significant decline in the recent past. I am attempting to pay attention to both peronsal and corporate transformation. It has been both invigorating and challenging at the same time. I have seen some good progress at the level of lay leadership in the church but realize there is much more needed. I would love to learn from your experience.

What have you learned about renewing the church? How do you worked to create a transforming church? Please leave a response.